An Unbearable Letter of Honesty

By Rosa De Martinis (‘22)

I’m sorry.
I can not change how I feel no matter how much I desire to substitute it with dullness.
I am no longer guarded by my thorns, but blessed with the perfume of my petals.

I am the strong elm and you are something I can not shake off my branches.
no matter how hard the wind blows and my imagination and reality collide, my stubbornness holds you ransom.
You stay here. It seems as if you have always resonated in me.
The vision created in my mind was brought to me in real life. But there are things in this life that are not what they seem.
They seem beautiful but are rotten at the root.

It appears that I can’t escape from you in my heart and head. Even when my eyes are closed, my mind still sees. Your unknown spirit haunts me and all things are covered with fingerprints from your ghost.

Relieve me!

Dear saint please depart from me or enter gently into my state.

Yet, I am so happy to be unhappy; to feel is a pleasure. Even though I am saddened at times, I feel solace in my little shell of wonderment. I desire not to break it with the reality, for ignorance is bliss.

My soul is already yours. For what is the reason that you already have possession of it? I truly don’t know. I gift it to you with open hands and an open heart.
It is. It just is

For I am not in love with you, dear saint.
I am in admiration and in curiosity.
For your spirit has bewitched me and I can no longer pry my eyes nor mind off of you.
I don’t wish on stars; they do not know what I want.
But I do confess to the moon; she knows how I feel.
Even if I am proven wrong, my heart is grateful to have rhythm again.

And with that being said, my neighbor, I beg of thee to open your eyes like you have done to mine.

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