By Jacob Pardo (‘23)

This is my bookshelf. As you can see, I have many tomes.
Have I read them? Well, not all of them…
This is my guitar, she’s quite a beaut’.
Do I play? Well, I took some lessons…
(six months ago…)

Ahh yes, my easel—
I find painting to be one of the most rewarding forms of expression.
Do I have any recent work?
Well, uhh…
Let’s look at my trophy case! Quite expansive, as you can see.
My highest honor? Well, let’s see…
It’s rather hard to say…
(that it’s the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Championship Third Runner-Up Commemorative Pin)

Ahh, my typewriter—
Such a tactile device, it adds a whole new dimension to the writing process.
But, before you ask,
I have been experiencing a bit of writer’s block—which we all do.
Yes, the life of a bohemian is as challenging as it is rewarding—
A little constipation is only natural, right?

Let’s move on to my clay sculpture, still a work in progress—For how long?
You’re very inquisitive, aren’t you?
My laptop? No, we don’t need to see that
(I’ve been binging Netflix for three days straight)

The dishes on my desk?
My, you really know how to pick someone’s brain—
That’s okay, often the most intrusive people make the best houseguests.
Did I say ‘intrusive?’ I meant ‘inquisitive.’

No need for chagrin, some people just—Hm?
You’d like to play an original piece on my guitar?

I’m going to have to ask you to leave.